Here's the NWKC post.. Still not v coherent but it's the best I can manage :D V v v loooong, you've been warned!
__________
13 May:

:) What a day!

First, foremost and most importantly, THANK YOU GOD for being with me all the way! Also for letting me realize that I can live a worry-free life as long as I surrender it all :)
Let me just share what I went thru in the past weeks so that you will see in the end why today’s results are so important to me, and why it’s a milestone in my relationship with God: Basically, I had been struggling thru all my trainings in the past 2 weeks. Partly because I was in quite a bit of physical pain.. 1) I’d strained my right thigh about a month back and it still hasn’t healed. Actually, to be honest, I refused to give it a chance to heal because I was worried that my cardio would suffer if I stopped running. 2) My sole got attacked by a splinter at macritchie so it was really hard to move around too.. 3) Strained the left side of my lower back doing max rep lats row during a trng something like 2 weeks back? It would cramp up real tight whenever I flex it, like when I’m carrying boats or when I’m rowing. 4) This one is kinda stupid, strained my left bicep last Friday because I was spamming pull-ups at home.. It’s stupid because I was only doing that since I was feeling guilty for taking a break from school :P

Yup, so as you can see, wasn’t in the best of conditions during trainings, particularly the water ones. And so because my timings weren’t superb and Jo was being such a big threat, I was really really low in morale. Could feel myself sinking into this quicksand and the more I struggled, the more anxious I got, the deeper I sunk. Can still remember one of the trainings last week when Jo beat me for one of the 500s and at the end of the day when I asked Jiaolian what I should work on, he pointed at his head and said, “Relax more, you’re giving yourself too much pressure.” He got my problem spot on. All week I’d been feeling really.. claustrophobic, like I’d jumped into a well and I’m desperately treading water to get back to the surface and grab what I thought I had to achieve for NWKC to be answerable to God, the team, Jiaolian and myself. I was trying to hold onto to many things at once and pushing myself in so many directions. Yet thru it all, God was good and patient with me. He reminded me of His faithfulness constantly, from keeping me going during that 7 X Killer slope run I’d blogged about to sending taxis along when I’m desparately late.. Little things that I prayed about, He’d answer :) Unfortunately, after I’d marveled at His goodness, I’d go back to worrying about the goal I’d set for myself and wondering how on earth I was going to achieve it. You know I’m stubborn like that :D

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. (Romans 8:18 – 20)

Then on Wednesday morning, we were having canoe cell and I shared this verse that I found, “Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. For I am your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” (Isaiah 41:12-13) And Jo asked, “What if they have the same verse as you?” To be honest, I’d given this some thought previously but only in passing. However, when I gave her my answer, it sort of stuck itself in my conscience.. yknow what I mean? Anyways, this is what I told her, “Yes, but see, the thing about being ‘living sacrifices’ is that you have to surrender your life fully to him (and hence it’s not a once-off, ohdear-here-comes-the-butcher-knife-I-wanna-crawl-off-the-altar kinda thing) and accepting His will as it is, even if I were to lose to ________, I will try (really hard I should add, it’s definitely not easy :S) to accept it because who knows? Maybe I’d helped her realize that she can depend on God. And so in that way, I’d realized His plans for me.” And from then on, I realized that this really should be my focus: to trust in the Perfect Plan rather than holding on stubbornly to my selfish hopes and dreams.. As in He knows how much medals mean to me, but whatever that’s God’s will, just let it be! Perhaps He’s got something greater in store for me later on.. That said, what’s more important is that I shouldn’t let it stay just as talk, I have to live it too. That’s why by Friday, even tho I just barely survived 2 really crap water trngs, I decided to really let go and let God :)

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God. … And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. (Romans 8:28 – 30)

But that’s not the end of the story. On Saturday, while I was slacking around after doing some work, I realized I shouldn’t be so laissez-faire tho. I have to put in my best because God’s got faith in me to carry out His will! It’s all about Stewardship..The very thing Ironwoman Ms Lim shared about during canoe camp :) Haha so I was in a very positive frame of mind by then.. I knew that as long as I dedicated myself to being a good vessel for doing God’s will, everything will be all right :)

When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” … “But Lord,” Gideon asked, how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.” The Lord answered, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites together. (Judges 6:12, 15 –16)

If I were to say I never felt the slightest tinge of nervousness today, I would be lying. I am not so strong spiritually as to remember all of God’s lessons all the time so self-doubt does set in sporadically. I think the final race is the best example of this. From the moment I saw the line-up to the moment the start-line official sounded the horn, I seriously thought I should just expect a 4th placing (See? There it is again, my own expectations).. I merely managed enough sanity to utter a prayer to God to bless me with the strength I need to do His will. That gave me some peace as we aligned the boats for the start of the race. Unfortunately, when I soon saw that I haven’t managed to break out from the formation after the start bursts, I could feel the familiar negativity seeping in.. But God is faithful as always, He reminded me of how I wanted to row for Him and Him alone. So I started singing to myself (ok I was more like repeating these lines: “This is for You ‘cause you died for me/ And I wanted to show You how much You mean” and “Jesus I decide to live/ Live a life that shouts Your fame”) and just enjoyed the row. I dare say my peripheral vision actually vanished for a good 150m or so! All I felt was exhilaration, from knowing that my paddle was catching water properly, that Gideon Jnr was gliding (or as much as a T1 can glide anyway), and that I only had to answer to God at the end –not knitted brows can faze me, no curt words can hurt me anymore :) So it sort of came as a shock when I realized that I’d pulled away as we neared the finish line, I almost expected someone to overtake me soon! :D


This is for You :)

..So that was the race; I don’t think I’d ever forget that feeling of absolute focus, of what it’s like to just lay down my fears and believe in His power. When I got back, I tried to figure out why He’d let things go the way they did and I think I’ve got an inkling..

You see, at some point in time, it crossed my mind that I’m going to row for you too. Because I wanted to show you what faith can do when it’s placed in the right thing. God loves you and He can’t bear to see you wearing yourself out fighting you own battle anymore. He wants to bless you with so many things! And I can see you already, going forth in life, fulfilling His callings using the talents He’s given you at birth –your ability to sympathise and encourage others, your love for the environment—to build up His kingdom on earth.

Right now, God is inviting you to experience His love and live for Him, because in Him is eternity. Living to create an earthly legacy is short-sighted; you weren’t put on earth to be remembered by people, what is the probability of that anyway? Man’s passions are flitting; even if you’re remembered for a lifetime, will it last for all eternity? And without His help, you need a lot of effort to achieve that state of ‘immortality’, that’s why we burn out.. that’s why we break down. A wiser use of the brief time you have on earth is to dedicate it to a Purpose, His Purpose that prepares us for eternity. That is living for something, everything else merely requires you to exist. All you have to do is open your heart to Him because he stands ready at your side, just waiting for the moment when He can pour His love into you.. All you have to do is receive and believe! In fact it’s as simple as bowing your head now and whispering, “Jesus, I believe in you and receive you.” Go on, surrender yourself :) It’ll be the only surrender you need to make before you’re taken from glory to glory to glory :)

Labels: canoobs, Gideon Jnr., Thanksgiving :), Verses

go to, then; your considerate stone.
8:41 AM
0 comments